His fault or her fault?

 

I simply do not like the feeling of being in a conflict with someone, which is why I always try my best to be in the shoes of others. Sometimes I failed and this brewed unhappiness in the relationship. However at times, it does not work out well even when you see things from other people’s view. This is when they did not do the same and crossed the limit. There are so many possibilities of igniting a conflict due to the myriad human emotions and behaviors. Conflicts between couples are especially frequent as I observed when the time they spent with each other is much more than the time they spent with others. This happens for Ken and Nat.


Ken started a relationship with Nat when they met each other in university. They used to spend much time together until Ken started having tuition assignments which packed his schedule apart from his school work. Hence, the time he could spend with her had reduced greatly. The only chance they could see each other was either in school for a short while or when they were with a group of friends.

Ken had to earn in order to support his single-parent family but at the same time, he did not want to compromise the time he spent with Nat. He tried his best to squeeze out time to meet Nat, and called her as often as he can. He explained to Nat about his difficulties and asked for her understanding. Nat seemed to be empathetic about his situation and reacted positively. Ken had finally found a night when he could meet Nat for a short while after his tuition. However, he was too indulged in his tuition and was late for the date. Nat was disappointed and angry. Ken was disappointed as well as she did not express understanding towards him. He was nonchalant to her as he was dead tired and this caused further unhappiness.

On the other hand, Nat expressed her understanding for Ken. However, she thought that the tuition assignments that he had taken were more than what he needed to. She did not express her real feelings to him about him being too focused in earning and neglecting the relationship. Nat was overjoyed when Ken could fork out some time to meet her for dinner. She truly wanted to cherish the time spent with him. She even reached the place earlier to wait for him. To her dismay, he was late for almost an hour and did not appear apologetic at all. She felt disappointed at how much their time meant to him. Furthermore, she was angry and sad as he did not respond much.

What Nat thought should be a precious time turned out to be a bitter date. Is there a breakdown in communication between them? Can Ken’s situation pull them closer together instead? How can they resolve the grudges they hold against each other?

What's the big deal about effective communication?

It is a big deal, a rather huge deal to me. Truthfully, effective communication is a life skill which I have been learning but can never comprehend it completely. We can easily find information on the internet, and in courses given by renowned speakers such as Dianna Booher, who conducts effective communication courses especially for business organisations. We can also learn by observing how other people around us communicate. Nevertheless, the secret recipe for me is still learning from my own experience. It is through my everyday encounters with different people that I slowly pick up communication skills. The reason I start to practise that is because I realise it is extremely important in my walk of life. :)

I definitely do not want to walk alone, but with many others. Effective communication is closely connected to good interpersonal skills. How is this so? If we were not able to express ourselves well and appropriately, people might not understand or might even misunderstand our meanings and this will be a barrier to build a closer relationship with them. It is essential for me to acquire good communication skills in order to develop better interpersonal relationships. It can reduce and prevent unnecessary conflicts and misunderstandings between my friends, colleagues and family members. I would want to have relationships that last and effectively communication is one of the key to it. :)

My commitment also puts me in situations where I am required to exhibit good communication skills. I have to be effective in conveying and disseminating information to people, in the meantime receiving accurate responses from them. My desire to be a good leader and encourager in my church would require me to be able to express myself well both verbally and non-verbally, in order to be a good influence to them. I was rather weak in expressing my thoughts and idea clearly, and this gives me greater drive to improve on it.

I have put considerably amount of time contemplating my directions after graduation. One of the options is to be a counsellor. Although this has nothing to do with my Life Science studies, I realise that I can give more in this area than in Life Sciences. However, in order to be a counsellor, I would need to have excellent active listening skills and communication skills. It will be horrible if the person I counselled felt worse after the session! If this path is set, ES2007S will not be my one and only communication course I would take for sure. :)

All in all, it is definitely important for me to communicate effectively, to have ease and joy in both my personal life, and my workplace. :D